Baby Clark Update

First of all - thank you, thank you, thank you - to all of our friends and family for your outpouring of support. We've received an abundance of emails, phone calls, FB messages, hugs, etc. letting us know that you are thinking of us and praying. I do think it makes a significant difference. While still stressful and emotional, the last week or two have felt much more normal. I thought I would provide an update, as so many of you have been asking...

We had our first appointment with the maternal-fetal specialist, Dr. Balaskas, on Thursday afternoon. The appointment went well.

I had my Quad test repeated on Monday and the results were available when we met with Dr. Balaskas. Apparently, my first Quad test was done a few days too early (before I was 16 weeks gestation), so the results from a couple of weeks ago showing increased risk of neural tube defect/chromosomal abnormality were not accurate. My current Quad is normal, which is reassuring, but not a definitive that there is no chromosomal abnormality.

Other good news - the "high tech" ultrasound is showing no anatomic abnormalities. Brain and spine look fine, kidneys are both working, correct number of fingers and toes, age is appropriate based on measurements. Heart rate was 158. Bad news is that my amniotic fluid is still very low. So, it was still a bit difficult for both the ultrasound tech and Dr. Balaskas to see perfectly. I must say, this ultrasound tech was fabulous! She did a great job of explaining everything as she was moving around, taking measurements, "this looks good" "this looks normal" "no concern here". I liked her!

Dr. Balaska was great as well. He spent about an hour with Brad and I talking, discussing next steps, possible scenarios. When do you ever get a whole hour of a physician's time? He thinks something may be wrong with my placenta which could be causing the low fluid. He sent me for additional labs yesterday (results pending), trying to rule out (or in) an autoimmune or coagulation disorder which can cause abnormalities with placenta function if not diagnosed and treated prior to and during pregnancy. I don't have any symptoms that suggest either of these types of conditions, but it's possible I could be asymptomatic and still have them. So, 14 vials of blood later (and some orange juice), we'll have this news in about a week.

Next step after that will be an amnioinfusion (injecting saline into my uterus) which will allow for a better ultrasound view (right now Baby is all scrunched up and kind of difficult to see - I think I used to be that flexible...many years ago!). The infusion will also allow for enough fluid to do an amniocentesis to test definitively for a genetic disorder. If all of that comes back normal, he said he may be able to do weekly amnioinfusions (along with bed rest most likely) giving the baby enough fluid to possibly survive and have more normal lung development, which is the main concern now. Baby Clark is at a critical gestational age for lung development right now. If he/she doesn't form alveoli (the deepest air sacs in the lungs), he/she will have pulmonary hypoplasia and likely not live long, if at all, after birth.

So, lots of information at the appointment. Dr Balaskas was wonderful. Very informative, honest, factual, but still caring. We liked him.

Probably a long road ahead, but we're trying to continue taking it one day at a time.

Thank you for the continued prayers and thoughts! It means a lot to us!

TWO

A weekend of celebrating TWO! How fun! The festivities began on Friday, Gavin's second birthday. We went to dinner at Logan's, enjoyed some peanuts and good food. Gavin's favorite- a birthday "Yee-Ha" shout out. And...a rare moment...a family photo. I think Gavin prefers to sit in a booster now instead of high chair. He really is getting big! So, it's not the ideal family photo. But it's harder and harder these days to capture everyone looking at the camera!

Saturday was THE party, complete with "Cars" everything! Brad and I stayed up until 1:30am on Friday night (well, really Saturday morning) baking and decorating the cake. Quite the project! It took an emergency run to Meijer at about 11:00pm for more red food coloring. My first batch turned bright pink. I tried to save it by adding black - bad idea - it turned purplish pink. No boy can have a purple/pink McQueen cake, right? Brad graciously saved the day! Thank you Meijer for being open 24 hours AND for stocking Wilton food coloring! In the end, the cake wasn't the exact shade of red I had envisioned, but it was close...and better than pink!

So, we went all out for decorations. I think I blew my party budget this year with a few little extras. But it was SO worth it to see Gavin's face when he woke up from his nap to a fully "Cars" decorated house. He was in awe, requesting "touch it" to all of the decorations and the cake. The three hours spent on the cake and additional hour or so decorating the rest of the house was worth every minute! It all looked pretty cool!

Balloons were a favorite, as usual.

I just like this photo - a somber quick shot of Gavin. It's so hard these days to capture him on (digital) film. He's too quick and too interested in grabbing for the camera so that he can look at the pictures. This was a rare moment.


Gifts, gifts, gifts and more gifts. Thank you to all of our wonderful family and friends for all of the very thoughtful gifts. Books, new toys, learning games, some clothes for the summer...this boy is blessed! And so is our living room that just two years ago was consumed with baby gear. It's been overtaken with little boy things now!

Uncle Andy showing Gavin one of the Mater/Lightning McQueen rings from the cup cakes. At first, Gavin thought the rings were candy. Ah, not in the mouth...thought we were over this stage!

And one of the sweetest moments of the day. Gavin's cousins Lexi and Ava ("Va" as Gavin calls her) handmade birthday cards for Gavin. I am saving them,but also wanted to capture them in photos as a longer lasting memory. Here is Ava "modeling" the cards and other little pictures. The one in the top right is from Lexi (7 years old). I love the little Rapunzel looking girl. The bottom right is from Va (5 years old). The yellow little girl is Ava and the turtle-looking green boy is Gavin. So cute!

So, two years! I'm tearing up. The time has gone so quickly. I was thinking back to Gavin's first birthday and all of the difference a year makes. He was just barely walking on his first birthday last year. Now he runs, jumps, spins...dangerously at times. His vocabulary has exploded. He had just a few simple words in his vocab a year ago. Now he can repeat virtually any word he hears. He talks in two to three word sentences now. He understands abstract concepts like big and little, high and low, in front and in back, up and down, the list goes on. He's learning manners like "please", "thank you", "you're welcome"...though he does not use them consistently.

At some point, I will document his favorite phrases/words. I need to write them down during the day so that I don't forget what being two was all about.

This next year will be filled with more milestones. More blogging and documenting our happenings. I'm looking forward to it!

A Call for Prayers

This blog post is difficult to write, but something I need to do. There is something about writing/typing that makes me feel a little better in trying times.

Brad and I have been living an emotional roller coaster the past couple of weeks. The day before leaving for our mini-trip to the Bahamas, we had a routine scheduled ultrasound of Baby Clark (15 weeks) - our first, and what we thought might be only, ultrasound. The ultrasound showed that my amniotic fluid is low. Amniotic fluid is essential for the proper growth and development of a baby, and also serves as a "cushion" to protect baby.

After the ultrasound, the radiologist consulted with my physician's office (my doctor was not in for the day). I talked with a nurse (who had spoken with another physician in the office) who insisted that I not worry, told me to drink lots of fluids over the weekend (saying most of the time dehydration was the cause), and come back for another ultrasound the next week. She said that traveling on our trip would be no problem, have a great time.

So, I was a compliant patient - drank, drank, drank water and lemonade like crazy on the cruise. We prayed a lot, worried a lot, but hoped for the best over the weekend. But we also wanted to enjoy our time together.

We went back in for ultrasound number two the day after returning from our trip. Devastating news: my amniotic fluid was still very low. Baby was alive, moving as much as he/she could in such a little amount of fluid, and maintaining a heart rate in the 140s. After this ultrasound, the ultrasound tech consulted with my physician who wanted to see me right away.

After our first ultrasound, I researched low amniotic fluid. I stayed away from unreliable sites and forums and focused on those that are evidence-based. The news didn't sound good (everything from miscarriage and still birth to birth defects and babies who live for only hours/days/months). After hearing the news after ultrasound two and meeting with my doctor, we were beyond devastated. Things weren't looking good. My doctor (a family practice physician) sent me for blood work (a Quad test) and referred me to an OB.

Brad and I went to the appointment this past Wednesday - ultrasound three and another referral to a maternal-fetal specialist the end of February. The positive take-away from this appointment was that anatomically, our baby looks very normal. He/she has a beating heart with four chambers, two functioning kidneys, a bladder full of amniotic fluid, a stomach full of amniotic fluid, arms, legs, fingers, toes, eyes, a nose, a mouth (no cleft lip was noted). Though I know I am biased, Baby Clark was just BEAUTIFUL!

My Quad test results also are indicating that our baby is at high risk for some sort of abnormality. Something that, as my new OB said, is not caused by anything in our control, rather is a random chromosomal defect that happens in a small percentage of pregnancies. And she said it isn't a diagnosis at this time, just an indication that something could be wrong. It will take further testing to diagnose.

Brad and I are working to be strong, praying that God has a plan for our beautiful unborn miracle. We know that we can't influence the outcome - only God knows the future of our baby. But we are praying every moment that "God grants us the strength to accept the things we can not change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference" (I've always loved the serenity prayer).

It's very hard to not feel guilty - could I have caused this to happen? Prior to even becoming pregnant, I did everything I was supposed to - prenatal vitamins, eating well (sure, I indulged in a few cravings like all pregnant women), exercising, avoiding alcohol and other harmful substances/foods, etc. I've been going through a lot of stages - "it's not fair", "this isn't what we planned", "why us?". But I think I'm getting to the point where I'm trusting in God, as hard as it is to not question him. I'm learning that I'm not in full control of my life - as much as I like to plan and think that I have it all figured out, He ultimately controls me.

Being a mom has created a new vulnerability that I never knew I had. Emotions I never knew I could feel. A sense of protection and "don't you dare mess with my kid or else..." You can do what you want to me, but don't hurt my child.

We have had lots of weak moments. And some strong ones, too. While it would be easy to just stay in bed all day, crying, fearing, questioning, I'm finding it is better to get up, face the day and not miss out on all of the wonderful things in life. I have the best husband in the world, the most loving, fun-spirited almost-two year old. I don't want to miss out on Gavin's newest word/sentence of the day, his crazy new dance of the day, or other silly things that just make me smile and laugh...and so darn proud of him! And I have a job that I am passionate about - and lots of important work to complete there.

I've resolved to take this one day at a time. Each day that God lets me continue to be pregnant and serve as the life-source for this baby is a blessing. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I'll live for today.

So my call for prayers and support is not to ask that you pray to change the course that God has planned for our child. It is to pray that He grants Brad and me the strength to accept and carry out his plan. And I ask (please, please, please) that if you have a child/children or are expecting a child - give them an extra hug and kiss today. Tell them you love them. Enjoy every precious moment with them. We are so fortunate to be allowed to be parents - never take one moment for granted!

Bahamas Warm-Up

I'm a couple of weeks late in getting these photos blogged. Brad and I took a spur-of-the-moment cruise to the Bahamas the last weekend in January. We had a couple of free plane tickets to use up before April and got a great deal on a 4-day cruise with Royal Caribbean. So, our first cruise - it was a great time!

Weather was beautiful (75 and sunny all weekend), endless food was delicious, and four days of dedicated adult time was much needed. We very much missed Gavin while away, but he was having a blast without us at MaeMe and BaPa's house. I'm not even sure he knew that we were gone!

Here we are approaching Nassau on day 2 (note my crazy, wind-blown hair - it's very windy standing on the side of the boat!)

Our boat - Monarch of the Sea. A little old and dated, but clean and just fine for a short cruise.

Approaching Nassau, a cute little lighthouse.

The highlight of the trip...spending a day at Atlantis. What a huge, fun, action-packed place! We definitely want to go back!

We also spent a day on Coco Cay, RC's private island. It was beautiful! We spent the day lounging, snorkeling, and of course eating. You certainly don't go hungry on a cruise!