I've been working on this project little by little and it's finally complete! Check out this photo book of Gavin's preschool art work. Every little thing that came home this past school year was photographed and placed in this album for us to remember forever. Can't wait to get it in the mail later this week!
Enjoying summer and time together to the fullest!
I have a mental bucket list of the things I wanted to complete/do while on maternity leave. I think we've completed most - take care of the garden, go to the beach, SWIM (lots), pick strawberries, cherries and blueberries, make my first pie from scratch with Gavin's help (strawberry rhubarb, it was good), make strawberry jelly (with Gavin's help), make pesto (again, help from Gavin), go to the park, get back into running, start core exercises, eat sushi (boy I missed that while pregnant), go on a date, take lots of photos, see Monsters University (we went to the drive in!), drink a Rubaeus (a delicious beer from our local brewery that has been MIA for five years and is one of my faves), watch fireworks, take Gavin to zoo school and Lego camp, work with Gavin on his letters, numbers, writing, drawing and other crafts, etc. Left on the list - finish Gavin's preschool art work photo book, blog weekly (sorry about that, too little too late), go on a family vacation (Traverse City in a few weeks, a week on the bay, ahhh!), and at least one more trip to the local beach.
On the Isla front, we've just been soaking her in. She is generally a happy little girl who eats and sleeps well. She has her moments of crabbiness, but really they are quite rare. At about three weeks old, we had three evenings in a row of crabbiness for several hours, creating a nervous feeling in me that she may develop colic. Fortunately, it seems to be an isolated incident thus far. She typically is easily consoled when she gets upset and we have a good feeling for her variations of crying - what cry means what. She has her "I'm hungry cry" and her "I have to poop" cry (this one lingers for quite some time until the deed is finally done)". In general, pooping seems to upset her more than I ever remember it affecting Gavin as a newborn.
At a weigh-in today, Isla is 10 pounds 7 ounces, so she is gaining weight like a champ. She officially has rolls in her legs and they are starting on her arms. Her cheeks are chubby. I love it!
About two weeks ago, Isla began to smile - those very quiet and fleeting flashes of smile that are very difficult to capture in a photo. I've tried and tend to get it too late as it is disappearing. Just yesterday, I FINALLY captured one (see below). I love the smiley phase - almost a "thank you" for the first six weeks of pouring love into her. Today, she flashed a big smile when I went to pick her up after a nap - the smile screamed "that's my mom and I'm so glad to see her!"
On the Gavin front, he is a sweet big brother. He's pretty much through the jealousy phase which was short lived and mainly consisted of a lack of understanding that mom and dad weren't always available exclusively for him at the very moment he needed us. He's been learning to share and we've heard several "but I need SOMEONE!" in whiny voices. We're in full-on Love and Logic mode with him and it helps greatly. I love to see the confidence he is building with all of the "deposits" of choices he gets to make. It's a fun way to parent. And we've begun a reward system with a responsibility chart and tokens to be earned. He gets to collect tokens and turn them in for new Lego sets.
Speaking of Legos, the kids is in LOVE with them. Some days he spends three hours playing Legos, creating all sorts of things. Most recently, his creations have taken on a symmetrical look, with the same size and color pieces on each side. I'll post some photos. He's off to Lego Camp this coming week for a couple of hours a day.
Sorry it's taken me a while to post some real updates on the kids. So much of the blog has always revolved around our kids. I'm working, though, mentally on a post about me. Where I am at this point in our family's journey. I'll work on getting it down in writing and posted. I get a lot of questions about how I'm doing - and I'm sure many more would like to ask but don't quite know how, so I'll use the blog to fill you in.
Here's a boat load of photos from the past weeks. I have about 100 photos just trying to capture Isla's smile, all a little too early or too late. Seemed I never had the camera at just the right moment!
I can't believe it, but Gavin has completed his first year of preschool! Time just flew by this school year, it's hard to believe his academic year ended a month ago. This kid just really loves school and loves to learn. He's looking forward to a year of developmental kindergarten (half days every day Monday through Friday) starting this fall. A few of his friends from preschool will be joining him and others will go on to a second year of preschool for four-year-olds.
Between feeding and snuggling a newborn, I've been working on a photo book (to be posted to the blog soon), capturing copies of all of Gavin's school crafts and artwork. I was looking for a way to "keep" everything, without actually keeping it, so decided that taking photos of everything throughout the year and creating a photo album would be a good compromise. I did keep some things - about a quarter of what he brought home.
In addition to my photo book, one of Gavin's teachers also compiled a scrap book of school memories for each of the kids, loaded with little projects and lots of photos. It was so sweet of her to do this - particularly given the time involved in making each of the fourteen kids their own book. Preschool was the first real time that Gavin was away from home for any significant period of time. All of those moments that mom and dad weren't there are captured in the book. It gives a fun look into what the days were like for him and his friends.
If I had to summarize Gavin's learning's this school year, I'd highlight the following:
1) A very strong knowledge of letters and numbers. He knew them all going into school last fall, but now can confidently write and identify each one and knows the sound that they make. He can sound out words and identify the letters. No reading yet, but he just loves for us to read him books and magazines. He gets two regular magazines in the mail now - Lego Junior and National Geographic Kids. He looks forward to their delivery with much anticipation. And then reads them and re-reads them until they are falling apart. He's also quite good at creating his own stories from memory and from pictures in books. He falls asleep each night "reading" stories to his soft friends. It's a hoot to listen to him through the door.
2) He's become a good friend. Staying home with dad definitely has it's perks, but Gavin has really developed social skills with other kids this past year. He's made lot of friends. We're working to get them together over the summer, too, so they can keep in touch. Gavin looks forward to school days so much, for the most part due to a desire to see his friends and teachers. I think he'll do really well going to school every day this coming school year, allowing him more time to develop friendships.
3) Listening to and following directions from teachers, adults other than mom and dad, has been valuable. Mrs. B and Mrs. V are wonderful woman who really love these kiddos. We heard all about them from Gavin!
4) Art skills! This kid just loves projects, coloring, painting, gluing, taping, cutting, stickering, etc. He now colors in the lines for the most part with his crayons and markers. It's one of his favorite things to do. His creativity shines through his creations.
We had a photographer at our house this week to capture newborn and family photos. Here's a sneak peek (we'll have the full set of photos in two weeks). These photos just make my heart melt!
We're overjoyed with the addition of a second daughter to our family. It's been quite the journey to get to this point. If you'd asked me two years ago what our family would look like in the future, I wouldn't have an answer, just lots of uncertainty. Even just six months ago or three months ago, or last week, I'd still have that uncertainty. Yes, I was pregnant and carrying our child, but, no, there were no guarantees she would come home with us. Home, a place every child should get to go.
I had a repeat c-section scheduled for May 29 at 1pm, amniocentesis the day before to confirm Isla's lungs were developed (I would be 38 weeks gestation at delivery). Our care team wanted to deliver Isla as soon as her lungs were developed, given my history with Grace (I'll always have that "high risk" tag and an OB chart that is several inches thick). Probably, ideally, the specialist would have liked to deliver Isla at 37 weeks, but that was two days prior to Grace's second birthday. While I actually like that our girls birthdays are close (it reminds me of our two nieces Lexi and Ava), I really did not want to be in the hospital recovering on her birthday. If there was any way we could wait until after Grace's birthday, even just one day, that would be ideal. I knew this may not work out, that I could go into labor and deliver before or even on Grace's birthday. I was prepared for that, but not wishing it by any means. Grace's day will always be special. So, I was able to convince my care team that 38 weeks would be my ideal choice.
Given my history of c-section with Grace, the only way a VBAC would be possible would be for me to go into labor on my own prior to the May 29 section date. They thought it was very unlikely given I went one day shy of my due date with Gavin. Well, Isla proved them wrong! We decided that if, by small chance, I did go into labor after 37 weeks but before 38 weeks, I would try for a VBAC, fully understanding the risks (and weighing them versus the risk of c-section) and possibility that I may end up with a c-section even if I tried for a VBAC. I was fine with that. Brad had his reservations, very nervous for the health and well-being of both his wife and his child.
We were totally prepared for our c-section on May 29, until Isla changed the plans :)
After attending the local Memorial Day parade where much fun was had by Gavin gobbling up as much candy as he could in 45 minutes (and then needing an emergency potty break - with no bathroom in sight - in the forest while waiting 20 minutes to get out of the parking lot at said parade), we headed home. Later in the afternoon, I began to feel several Braxton Hicks contractions, irregularly, but more regularly than the preceding several weeks. Then in the evening hours, there was some slight pain and more pressure with the contractions. I chalked it up to nothing, thinking maybe I hadn't had enough water throughout the day. I joked with Brad that I might wake him up in the middle of the night in labor (this is what happened with both Gavin and Grace - for Gavin, my water had broken, though he still asked in a very sleepy state of mind if we could just wait until the morning to call my OB). Isla also had felt like she was sitting very low in my uterus since a couple of days before Memorial Day.
That night, I woke up around midnight to use the bathroom (nothing new), head back to bed, and was lying there trying to fall asleep - first real contraction settles in. I begin to feel more, and regularly this time. I timed them, about 5-7 minutes apart. I woke Brad up (no comment this time about going back to bed and calling in the morning). We waited about an hour and a half and decide to call the on-call OB who says I should come in to the hospital. I've head so many stories about how quickly labor and deliver can proceed in your third or later pregnancy - I didn't want to be "that woman" delivering at home or in the car, particularly given my high risk status and the fact that I had a c-section scheduled for the next day.
We arrived at the hospital around 3am, stayed in triage for 3 hours to be told my cervix (dilated at 2-3 upon arrival) was not changing and I was not in active labor (I FELT LIKE I WAS IN ACTIVE LABOR). We were sent home (seriously?) and told to still go to my already scheduled amniocentesis appointment at 8:30am. So, home we went where I tried to rest for an hour or so before heading to bring Gavin to school (Brad took him in while I looked like a crazy pregnant lady in labor in the car, nice!) and then to our appointment. I had dilated a bit more by this point, but we decided to proceed with the amnio just in case the contractions stopped and my already scheduled c-section would be hinged on the results for lung maturity. Fun does not equal lying on that table contracting in pain, and having an amnio in between contractions.
Thankfully the specialist decided to send us back to the hospital after our appointment and had me admitted. After spending another hour and a half in triage, I was officially told I was in ACTIVE labor, my ticket to a labor and delivery room. And more importantly AN EPIDURAL, thank the Lord. I'd only felt like I need one for about five hours at this point! Brad was wonderful, rubbing my lower back with each contraction up to this point - intense back labor, just like with Gavin.
So, my chances at a VBAC were looking good at this point. I was so relieved - I really was not excited about a c-section but was certainly going to do what was recommended. We absolutely needed our little girl to be safe. But I was concerned about the risk of surgery for me - you never know what could happen. And I had been on a blood thinner for my entire pregnancy as a precaution given my history with Grace and my crappy placenta (my placenta with Isla behaved very well). I have to think that Grace had a role in the plan - did she sense my hesitation with a c-section and assure I went into labor? Certainly, it was out of my hands.
I felt Grace's presence very strongly during my entire labor and delivery experience. I didn't - but should have with hindsight - brush up on my breathing techniques or other pain relieving techniques for labor, thinking that my delivery would not involve labor. Given this lapse in planning, I was struggling with intense pain. I decided I would use Grace's face as my focal point. I kept my eyes closed during each contraction and pictured my little angel with her wings wrapped around me, keeping me safe. I could feel her presence very strongly. I know she was there for her sister and me.
Once the epidural was in place (properly in place - the first attempt only provided pain relief for the right side of my lower body) we were coasting through to delivery. What an incredible experience - I was able to watch Isla being born through a mirror and then she was immediately placed on my chest and remained there for nearly an hour and a half. We heard her cry and watched her turn pink. SHE WAS BREATHING on her own. We had made it. She was alive. No NICU. No neonatologist. No saying goodbye. No leaving the hospital empty-handed. She would be ours to keep and bring home (I can't type this without bawling). This is something that most families don't even think twice about. But ours can't do anything but think about this. Gavin even asked me yesterday when Isla would be going to heaven. (Again, can't type this without bawling). He didn't ask because he is jealous or wanting her to leave. This is his normal for a baby sister, even though we've spent a lot of time talking with him during this pregnancy about how everything seems to indicating Isla would live with us. No heaven for her yet. One day, we'll all be together - all of my children - but not yet.
We've been soaking in all things Isla for the past six days. It is a joy to have her in our home and to see our family expand. It's been a lot of fun having so much dedicated family time. She is a very good baby - sleeps very well at night, just getting up every 3 hours or so to eat, then back to sleep. She's a much quieter sleeper than Gavin was. I remember him being such a squirmy, loud sleeper. She just loves being swaddlesdand sleeps so peacefully. She is just precious! I've also enjoyed getting one on one time with Gavin each day with our new balance of having two children at home. He really thrives on this special time, so it is something I will focus on during my maternity leave. Yesterday, we worked on the garden, our special thing to do together. Today, we made several paper airplanes and raced them. I am just really loving the balance that we're forming.
Funny, because I had so many fears and hesitations with how I would show all of my children that I love them equally. Would Gavin hate us for bringing another sibling into the house? Not at all I'm finding. He really loves helping and spending time with his sister. And on Sunday we brought Isla to her first of many masses (debated, given the large crowd and potential for germs). It was really special to bring her there given we didn't get this opportunity with Grace. After mass, as we always do, we visited Grace at the cemetery. It was quite emotional for me. But I thanked her for being there with us throughout our pregnancy with Isla. I'm not sure I would have made it without knowing that she was there watching out for us. I'm looking forward to sharing her story with Isla and keeping big sister's memory alive.
And so our journey continues. I'm looking forward to having our blog followers along for the ride as I continue to share my family's stories with you.
"Rainbow
Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not
negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean
the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with
its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of
light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm
clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of
color, energy and hope."
Below this post, I've published some of my "secret" posts from the past year or so (all are dated June 3, but you'll see the actual blog date within the post). These are posts that I needed to write, but just couldn't post until now. Read them if you'd like, or just pass over them. They aren't always the most positive. We shared the news of our pregnancy with Isla very slowly and cautiously. Almost "hiding" it in some regards, feeling very guarded. There was no mention of my pregnancy on Facebook, no mass emails announcing it, no published blog posts. By no means did we decide to be quiet because we were ashamed - the complete opposite in fact. This pregnancy has created vulnerability in me like never before. I simply couldn't be "loud" about it until I had her in my arms, alive. That's all. So now I promise, I'll be just like all other moms with newborns - I'll bombard you with photos and updates :) Watch out blog!
Here are some photos of Isla's birthday and the past few days at home...
