Back to Work

Yesterday marked my first day back at work, after 3 months off. Everyone always told me how quickly my maternity leave would go...but I didn't realize how quick it REALLY would be. It seems like just yesterday I was waking Brad up to tell him my water had broken. Yesterday was incredibly difficult. I was teary eyed all weekend and earlier this week in anticipation of my return. And then of course the tears continued yesterday, along with anxiety about leaving Gavin. Would he eat okay when I was gone? Would he nap sufficiently? Would he get enough play time? Would he get too much play time? Would he be rocked the same way I rock him? Would he smile while I was gone? Would he even know I was gone? Would he miss me?

Today was a bit better. I, at least, didn't feel so out of sorts at work. Yesterday, I just didn't know where to start when I got there. I felt overwhelmed, out of the loop, worried about Gavin, a little nervous about pumping at work (it's just not the same). Today, I was able to get back into the groove, actually getting excited again about the projects I had left behind. I think that's the best way to handle this transition to "working mom" -- I need to totally throw myself into my work while I'm there to keep my mind busy.

We're very fortunate to have loving childcare for Gavin for these next two weeks, prior to Brad being done with the school year. Cousin Hillary is doing a great job with our little guy. In fact, he's had three days in a row now with adequate naps. That eases my mind considerably. I must say, though, we are looking forward to having Brad home with Gavin. It will be so reassuring to me knowing that Gavin is in loving hands while I'm at work.

The most difficult thing for me is that I only get to spend a few hours with Gavin in the evenings now, before he goes to bed. I miss seeing him during the day. Thank goodness for weekends!

All in all, my transition back to work has gone really as I expected. It seems to get a little less sad (still sad, though) every day. I am looking forward to a long weekend. We'll be traveling to Wisconsin for a wedding--pray for us that we have safe travels.