Shout-outs!

Okay, time for some quick shout-outs to wrap up the weekend:

1) To my adoring husband, thank you for seven wonderful years as we celebrate our anniversary today. We vowed to be each others everything through the good times and the bad - and I think we've experienced the whole spectrum this year. Never did we think when we said our vows in 2004 that God would ask us to travel this road. But here we are, in the driver's seat when many would have taken a detour or staled out. I'm not one for PDA, but I'll break the rules for some blogging affection. I love you!

2)Thank you to all of our loving family and friends for your support today - and for honoring our little Grace. Wear those Gracelets with pride! We're very blessed to have each and every one of you in our lives. We have such a great support system, so thank you for keeping us strong. And for allowing us our weak moments, too. Today, my tears were not for weakness, they were for awe. Awe in the way that you all remember our daughter along with us. A little girl whom many of you never had the pleasure of meeting. But you're still moved by her, and that makes me proud.

3) GO LIONS! Mark is certainly calling some shots up there with the Big Guy. Goodness, if he could be here to see THIS! A dedicated fan through all of those bad years, it is such a different football season this year not having him around. We catch ourselves each Sunday wanting to give him a call to see what he's doing for the game. And then the lump in our throats returns (that nagging, darn lump that just won't go away this year). Gosh, we miss you. But you must have an awfully good seat for those games - right on the sidelines I'm sure.

4) For a little humor - a thank you to Hallmark, for always having the right card. I never thought in a million years I would buy a card from the "Anniversary - Difficult Year" section. We've certainly kept Hallmark in business this year. So many cards received. It must be a record or something. But they do always have just the right card. So, "you're welcome" Hallmark.

Rounding out the post with a photo - cheers to seven years! (Ignore the scanned, grainy pre-digital era photo. We're getting old.)

Join Us!

I posted recently about our desire to have family and friends join us for a prayer and dedication at Grace's place. We've landed on Sunday, September 25 at 2:00pm - which also happens to be our seventh anniversary. So, what better way to celebrate seven years than to be with our children and those who mean the most to us. Deacon Leo from our church will lead us.

I will also have "Gracelets" (Grace bracelets) available. I recently sold them as a fundraiser at work for Tomorrow's Child and they were a hit. We'd like to spread the "Grace" to you all, because we all could use a little more grace in our lives!

All are welcome to join us for this short gathering graveside at Grace's. Friends. Family. Co-workers. Blog-followers. We'd be happy for you to join us. Holy Cross Cemetery - click here for a map. Grace's neighborhood is on the North side of the cemetery (Northeast of the little "A" on the google map) in the center of the "Garden of Angels" block.

Perspective

It's weekends like this that I find myself grateful to have a bit of perspective. Now, I'm not perfect, very far from it. But one thing that I think this year has taught me is a lesson in perspective. And at times, this lesson has enraged me when I see or hear of others who lack it.

Sometimes it's the simple, little, what-was-intended-to-be-innocent-or-a-joke comments that just get under my skin and make me boil. Most of the time, it is things that have to do with babies or children. Comments that lack appreciation for these little blessings. "My day was ruined by my kid(s) because...fill in the blank". Really, it was ruined. I doubt it. You want to know what ruined really means? It means they aren't even here to nag you, to annoy you, to throw a temper tantrum, to dirty a diaper when it wasn't convenient for you.

I was on my run this morning (10 miles, I might add - back in the double digit club finally!) and thinking a lot about perspective. I think what triggered it was watching news coverage last night about the 10th anniversary of September 11. Every year I watch the coverage, and every year I'm moved and brought to tears. But something about watching it last night, after all that we've been through this year, moved me even more. Stories of families who lost their loved ones, or who nearly lost them and now live with disabilities and emotional scars. Something so very unexpected. Even the invincible, the "it could never happen to me", were touched by this tragedy.

I still vividly remember where I was on 9/11 as I'm sure many recall. I was in pharmacy school at Ferris, a morning of a three-ish hour lab. I came out of lab and was eating honey roasted peanuts (freakish that I remember what I was eating, none-the-less that they were honey roasted) talking with a friend when another friend approached us and filled us in on what had occurred. It was about 11am and we hadn't heard any of the news yet. We quickly joined our other classmates in the large lecture hall where the faculty were projecting news coverage on the big screen.

At the time, I didn't have cable in my apartment (poor college student) and I barely could get two, fuzzy local channels. 9/11 caused me to order cable so that I could watch the news coverage for the months to follow. I remember the coverage being addicting. Glued to our televisions. And going home that weekend and just sobbing with my family. We did not know anyone who was affected personally, but it still felt very personal.

So, on my run, I was recalling 9/11, thinking of Grace and Mark who frequently are on my mind when I'm running (and when I'm not running). Thinking of other friends and family who are going through personal struggles with death and illness. Gosh, there has been a lot of tragedy lately. And no one asks for this. But it is encouraging to see that many come out of these terrible situations with a whole new look on life. A greater appreciation for all that they do still have. Some perspective. Watching the news coverage last night, there were lots of stories of how people have triumphed after loss. I hope that can be me some day. With time I suppose.

And I do have to add that I don't spend too much time getting "down in the dumps" about other people's comments that lack appreciation. For every one unappreciative comment, I hear five really good ones. Stories of how what we have been through has influenced others to have more appreciation for their families and children. That's one thing I hope can come from all of this - that people will have a keener understanding for how precious life is...and just roll with it when things aren't perfect.

Okay, done ranting for now. Thanks for listening.

Grace's Place

We've had quite a few people ask about where Grace is buried. She is at Holy Cross Cemetery on the Northwest side of Grand Rapids (next to West Catholic High School). She is buried in the Garden of Angels section on the northern-most side of the cemetery.

I never thought I would say this, but I really enjoy spending time at the cemetery. Funny how as a child and even up until just recently, cemeteries have had a somewhat creepy, dark feeling to me. My view now couldn't be farther from this. Grace's place is so very serene, peaceful, beautiful. It is a place where I collect my thoughts, clear my brain, let my emotions be what they are. And if you're picturing me crying hysterically when I'm there, I really don't most of the time. Sometimes, yes. So many times when we visit, we laugh, read stories, try to wrangle in Gavin while he's running carelessly through Grace's neighborhood...sometimes not being the most respectful toddler (e.g. running his cars on the tops of other gravestones or stealing flowers from the neighbor's place). I really hope that our cemetery "neighbor" Joan likes children...and that she is a forgiving soul. Gavin has lots of fun at her place.

"Go to visit Grace at the cemetery." "Grace in heaven in the blue sky." "Grandpa there, too." Heartbreaking to hear his tiny little voice say these things. How many two year olds know the word "cemetery" and use in their daily conversations? Not many.

Grace's neighborhood has other children, too. I imagine their siblings knew/know all of these things that Gavin has learned. Hard lessons for such little ones. But lessons that I think will make Gavin a very empathetic, loving boy. I like to think that Grace is playing with her neighbor friends in heaven - Caleb who died when he was just six years old (he has little matchbox cars by his gravestone that Gavin tries to "borrow") and babies Thomas, Anita and Angela (and maybe more that we haven't noticed yet).

We've been working diligently the past few months to design Grace's headstone - well, really our headstone, as Brad and I will join her some day and share a stone. There is very little we can do to parent our daughter. The things that we can do are so important to us. This was one major "thing" for us to do. Today, the finished stone arrived. It's bittersweet, like so many things lately. On one hand, it is great to have this stone in place to honor the life of Grace. On the other hand, it is just so sad that this is what we have to look forward to... a hunk of granite with her name on it. If you'd asked me last year, I'd have told you I was looking forward to spending several thousand dollars on new granite counter tops. Now we have a whole different kind of granite instead. The kind that very few our age even have to think about.

So, here's the finished product. Ignore my reflected imagine in the photos. The sun was shining just right that I couldn't avoid it.

The front...
(the banner above Grace's name says "Forever Our Angel" and "Too Beautiful for Earth" under her name and birth/death date, in case you can't read it because it's too small in the photo)

And the back...

The back of the stone is what took so long to decide on. We knew early on that we wanted some variation of "Amazing Grace" on the back...we couldn't fit the entire song, so we used the first three verses, really our favorite verses. And the butterflies...I just love the butterflies. Butterflies have become our symbol of Grace. They are like little angels with their beautiful, graceful wings. And they have been so prevalent this summer that every time we see one, we think it is our Gracie reincarnated. I think they are just a beautiful, subtle touch on our stone.

We also had a tree planted in honor of Grace right next to our plots. Again, little that we can do for our Grace. We love trees, so this was a perfect fit. I envision us having many picnics there in the years to come, shaded nicely by our tree (once it grows bigger). It is a cute, twiggy little red maple with the following dedication...

So, now that the stone has arrived, we're thinking about holding a dedication soon. Just a short prayer and time for family, friends, co-workers, blog followers - whoever would like to come - to share a moment with us and with Grace. And an opportunity for everyone to see where Grace's place is. It will be just for a few minutes, so nothing formal or lengthy. Obviously, we had a private funeral and burial so many of our loved ones and friends have not had a chance to visit or pay their respect to Grace. This would be that opportunity. I'll post more in the days to come as we plan a date and time. But please know that all are welcome to join us - we'd be honored if you'd like to come. And if you don't feel comfortable, that is fine, too. If you do decide to come, I think you'll find the same serenity and peace at Grace's that we find. It really is a beautiful place, filled with wonderful souls!

Some day, "Grace will lead me home". Until then, I will live every day honoring her. I love you my Grace!