I love it when we're cruisin' together

So, here's the run down of the cruise. I know that many of our blog followers are interested in the details as you contemplate a Disney cruise for your families. I'll start by saying I would highly recommend it. We had a great experience!

Here are some of the things I want to remember:

1. Gavin loved every detail of traveling on this vacation. Usually, parents dread a day of travel to and from a vacation destination with a toddler, but our travel days were lovely. From the rental car drive to Detroit (we originally planned to fly out of Grand Rapids, but changed flights due to bad weather) all the way to our destination, Gavin loved the little things. He loved riding in the "new car", riding on the bus from Alamo to the airport, helping with the plastic totes at security, riding on the "big jet plane" (a huge highlight as he looked at the "city" below and went into the clouds close to Grace and Grandpa), riding on the "tram" at Orlando airport to get our luggage, riding on the little bus to the hotel, staying at the hotel, riding on a "big bus" to Port Canaveral and FINALLY arriving at the big boat. He soaked in even the little things that we adults pay no attention to - like the tram ride, what adult cares about that? Gavin, he would have been completely happy riding that tram all day long (why did we spend thousands on this vacation again when we could have just gone to the airport?).

2. From the moment we arrived and dropped off our bags, everything was service, service and more service with Disney. They pay close attention to the little things to assure you don't have to lift a finger (except to eat excessively at their buffets and such and drink their Bahama Mamas). Our room was impeccably clean and tidy. Dining was a great experience (aside from a toddler with limited attention span at a sit-down restaurant). The nursery and kid's clubs were staffed with caring caretakers who made you feel very comfortable dropping off your most precious possession (aka Gavin). Comparing it to our Royal Caribbean cruise last year, the service and level of "stuff" on this boat was by far at a higher level. Granted the boat is only a year old, vs. 20+ years old last year...probably makes a difference in the experience.

3. Gavin at "daycare" was funny. He called the nursery and kids area (Oceaneers Club) "daycare" because that's what it is called on Toy Story 3. He's at the age now where he can easily recall and tell us about things. We brought him to the nursery twice - once for dinner so that the rest of us could have an adult evening, and one for a nap in the afternoon so that Brad and I could go act like kids and ride the water slide on the boat (see below for details on this). When we picked him up, we asked how it was at the day care. Here's his response:
Brad: "Gavin, how did you like the daycare?"
Gavin: "The girl tell me I can't see momma and dadda."
Me: "that's right, momma and dadda weren't there. What did you do at daycare?"
Gavin: "the girl ask me if I want to play with her. I said no, I no want to play." "I have to wait for the elevator, that's what the girl TELL me (emphasis on "tell" - no idea where this came from, they don't take the kids out of the nursery area)." "I take the red ball (probably from another kid) and I throw the blue ball (again, probably AT another kid)".
Not sure how this kid is going to do at preschool in the fall, it will be an adjustment!

4. Fun things on the boat - the Aqua Duck water slide for big kids (and the big kids at heart) was a blast! There was generally a long line, but it was worth it for the thrill. Gavin loved Nemo's reef splash pad and the Mickey pool (though the pool was crowded). More on Nemo's reef and "the incident" below. The adult area on the boat is heavenly. You'd never know you're on a ship full of primarily little kids when you enter the "18 and older" area. We spent an afternoon there while Shirley and Gavin napped/rested in the room. It was great - relaxed in the sun, enjoyed a couple adult beverages, lounged in the adults only pool. You can't even hear all of the commotion on the other 3/4 of the ship.

5. Evening shows - incredible! Broadway quality, fun, captivating, attention-grabbing even for an ants-in-his-pants toddler. The shows were some of my favorite things about the cruise. You would easily pay $75-$100 per person for a similar show on Broadway.

6. The Characters, oh the characters! They are just as I remember them as a child and now I get to see my child enjoying the pure delight of meeting these icons. I think I had just as much fun hugging and high-fiving them as Gavin did! Disney really does bring out the child in you!

7. The beach - Castaway Cay was a blast! Because I work full time, I don't get the luxury of as much one-on-one time with Gavin as Brad does. While we were at Castaway Cay, Brad and Shirley went parasailing (which turned into a somewhat frightening experience for them). Gavin and I got to spend a couple of hours just the two of us playing at the beach. It was so much fun! We built sand creations and filled our little man-made pond/river with water over and over again. It was pure bliss soaking in all that my little boy enjoys! I think he spent 45 minutes running back and forth between the ocean, filling up his bucket, dumping it into the "pond", watching the water trickle back to the ocean, and doing it all over again. I contrast this to our Florida vacation last year where he mainly was interested in just running away from us on the beach. It was fun to see his heightened concentration this year. And his pride in his creations - last year in Florida he was more interested in demolishing our sand castles. This year, he wanted to help build and maintain them. I'm excited to see him enjoy more beach time in a couple months when we return to Florida for our annual trip.

8. Nemo's reef. So no vacation is complete without a little accident, right? Gavin was so looking forward to spending time at the splash pad, Nemo's reef, on the boat. He watched the videos online over and over again leading up to our trip - declaring his excitement for Nemo's Reef and Mr. Ray's slide. Well, day one of the cruise, Brad and Gavin headed to Nemo's Reef, first thing. Shirley and I stopped at guest services with a few questions and then met them up there. Gavin's second time going down Mr. Ray's slide (granted, it's a pretty small, age appropriate slide for toddlers), he come barreling down at a very rapid speed and crashes his face into another child's head. This child was definitely far enough away from the slide for Gavin to go, or so Brad thought, so he was given the "all clear" to head down the slide. Well, some bleeding gums later, Gavin was back at play...but it sent Brad and I into a panic as he continued to complain about his teeth and nose hurting. And here we are at sea with no dentist and limited health care access. Bad mom (and pharmacist) that I am, I didn't pack any children's pain reliever with me, so headed to the ship store to get some ibuprofen. I was questioned at length when buying it by the clerk, who I think was concerned he might have a fever (they, rightfully so, take those things very seriously on the cruise due to the risk of rapid spread of infectious disease). I told her it was just for some tooth pain...she continued counseling me about how they had Anbesol for kids if I wanted that. In rare form, I snipped at her and said I was a pharmacist and I had it covered. I feel bad about that, but just let me buy the ibuprofen already! Maybe I'm extra sensitive when it comes to protecting my kids, since I wasn't able to do this for Grace. I pretty much failed in protecting her. I take Gavin's health and well-being very seriously because I know what it feels like to not be able to protect. I'm sure I'm on the road to being too over-protective. So, we've been keeping an eye on his teeth - swelling is gone now, but I think it may have damaged his front tooth. It's possible it will turn brown...but there are much worse things in life, right? At least he is alive, that's the ultimate in worst thing in the world.

9. Back to more fun (we didn't let the tooth thing ruin our time) - I want to remember Gavin's fun little game each time we walked to our room. He would run down the hall, turning at each door, and exclaiming in a goofy voice "This is my room"...for about 50 rooms before we got ours. And there was a slight "kink" in the hallway along the walk to our room. Brad casually mentioned the kink one day and Gavin just though that word was so funny and continued to talk about the kink ("hink") throughout our days aboard. "We have to walk through the hink." "Here comes the hink." "Momma, hold my hand through the hink." It's probably one of those things where you had to be there to totally appreciate how funny and cute it was - I'm sure it sounds pretty "every day". But it sticks with me and I chuckle just thinking about it and his little dialect as he said it. And I know by documenting it on my blog, I'll think back on it in the years to come and smile! Ah, the very simple things can bring such pleasure!

10. I know that Grace was with us. We had a few butterfly experiences on the boat - and at times when you wouldn't expect to see a butterfly (like when we were at sea). One of them was so beautiful, a variety I've never seen before. It was brown and a bright coral orange color. A woman who was passing in front of us at the Mickey pool walked by holding a pair of shoes. And there was that little beautiful Grace butterfly perched peacefully on one of the shoes...breezing right by us. I love when I see butterflies!

11. Having Brad's mom Shirley along was spectacular! While she (as usual) refused to be in any photos, she really was with us! We all loved having her along to share in our memories!

12. I loved the boat's horn. A typical cruise ship has a pretty standard loud bellowing horn. The Dream had a horn that bellowed as well, but it had little tune to it - When you wish upon a star... Again, just a little detail by Disney that makes you go "huh, that's cute." Disney prides themselves on these moments...they all help add up to an exceptional overall experience!

13. Okay, this post is getting long, so I'll end with one last cute moment I want to remember. One day, I was getting ready quickly in the morning. I changed in the bathroom into a bright pink sundress. When I came out, Gavin looked at me and said with wide eyes "Momma, you look like a princess." It melted my heart! I certainly didn't look like a princess (no makeup, hair in a quick ponytail), but to Gavin, I was a princess.

To wrap up and to benefit those of you possibly planning a Disney Cruise, I say go for it! It was a perfect mix of Disney "stuff" and also relaxation. There are a ton of activities planned for kids as well as adults - we were busy from sun up to well past sun down. If you're interested, I saved copies of the daily activities brochure I can share so you can get a taste of a typical day. If your kids are a little older - fully potty trained and not taking naps any longer - they will get the most out of it. But even for little ones, it's great. And if they are used to daycare, they will do very well acclimating to the Oceaneer's club (it's like day camp) that they can check into for anywhere from 30 minutes to the entire day. Very professional counselors and staff - and trustworthy. This cruise was much better than our Royal Caribbean cruise for many reasons, so go for it if you have kids.

Here's a video of our photos (too many to post individually). Caution, it has music...



And here's a link to photos with captions in case you prefer this viewing option.

Cruise Teaser

We're back from the cruise (as of a couple hours ago), and because I'm still in vacation mode, I'm posting just a "teaser" quickly. More to come on the cruise (INCREDIBLE!!!). I just loved the pillow on our bed, so I thought this would set the stage for the larger blog post to come soon! Disney's attention to detail is impeccable!

Cruise Bound!

A quick post today as we prepare to head out for our Disney Cruise! After a weather scare last night, we've rerouted our flights through Detroit instead of Baltimore, so it should be smooth sailing!

Last weekend we played in the snow, this weekend we'll play in the sun, pool and sand! I have to say I'm very excited. It's a big step to normalcy to be taking this vacation and it feels good. Certainly, I'd trade the vacation a gazillion times over if we just had Grace with us. I went to visit her in the midst of a snow storm yesterday...gosh I wish she were here to go on this trip with us. All of the Disney Princesses and fun little girls have is missed - in fact it's like a dagger through my heart to not have those experiences. For now, we'll dwell in the excitement of her brother enjoying all of the Disney heroes. And enjoy our time with Shirley. We all really need this vacation!

So, we're off soon. If I'm able on the ship, I'll try to post some photos. Otherwise, stay tuned next weekend for the update! And pray for us that our crew/captain make wiser decisions than the tragedy in Italy. I suppose we have Buzz Lightyear and others to keep us safe!

Christmas Day

One final post to wrap up my Christmas blogging - Christmas day! Gavin had an absolute blast with Christmas this year - the lead up all the way through the big day. We started the day prepping food for later, as we hosted the Clarks at our house for the first time ever. We even made a turkey, which I was nervous about. It turned out great!

Here's Gavin first thing in the morning (after sleeping in until 9:30am!) checking out his and Grace's stockings.


Gifts, gifts, and more gifts. Santa sure was good to Gavin this year! Here he is opening the most coveted gift of all, James from Thomas the Tank Engine. He's only been talking about Santa bringing him James for about two months now. So glad the big guy delivered on this one :)

Cool cuttable food for his kitchen.

A couple gifts for Grace - solar powered butterfly lights for her tree at the cemetery.

And butterfly home decor for our house (sorry, the glare is bad).

A last minute ask from Santa - a garden gnome. He ended up being Gavin's favorite gift. He is made of plastic resin, but Gavin insists on snuggling with him when he wakes up from a nap and in the morning. The gnome also eats meals with us. Ever since seeing the movie Gnomeo and Juliet, Gavin really likes gnomes. Now he has his own Lions Gnomeo.

A gift for Momma...oh-la-la!

And one for Dadda - double oh-la-la (Socks, so exciting! Granted they are "fancy" socks!)

Toddler in a bag...sorry, had to include this one because it is just so darn cute!

Christmas with the Clarks. Only one photo taken, as it was all happening so fast. Huge contrast between the Gavin and Clark Christmas gatherings - the Gavin's open one gift at a time, spending at least 5 minutes discussing each gift (even the small ones). The Clarks rip through everything in about 15 minutes total. So, one photo. I did get some video of the cousins opening their iPod Touches...so excited about them!

Gavin had a blast hanging with his cousins, as usual, for the day. He really thrives on the energy and has so much fun. Christmas was very different this year without Mark there. His presence was missed greatly. Brad, Gavin and I visited Grace and Mark in their respective cemeteries on Christmas eve. We got about 2 inches of snow the night before, so we made both Grace and Mark a little 2ish foot snowman, complete with carrot noses. It was fun to make them, even though they melted within hours. I know they both were celebrating up in heaven together. And looking down on all of us as we worked the best we could to make our Christmas a good one, all the while missing them so, so much.


Modeling his new Buzz PJs (he also got Woody). He wouldn't take them off for the rest of the evening.


That wraps up Christmas 2011. All in all, a very nice few days.

Happy New Year to all of our blog followers! 2011 was bittersweet for us - many wonderful moments. Priceless last memories with Mark. Welcoming our daughter into our lives, even if it was just for a glimpse. I'm hoping 2012 will be more on the sweet side, with less of the bitter.

Christmas with MaeMe and BaPa

We celebrated Christmas with my family a few days before Christmas. Uncle Dude (aka Tim) had to work Christmas weekend, so we bumped our annual get-together up a few days. Here's a summary of the night's events...

Trains, trains and more trains. Did I mention Gavin got a TON of trains for Christmas? Ton is an understatement. He has literally a whole room full of Thomas tracks and various Thomas trains. It's incredible!

Squeezes for BaPa before bed.

So, our cruise is right around the corner. We all got Mickey shirts for Christmas to take with us! My shirt is a throw back to the early 90's. My first Disney experience was Disneyland when I was in third grade - my mom found the tee-shirt I'm wearing below stowed away in the archives. The 35th anniversary tee in a girls size XL...so, it fits a bit more snugly now than when I was a child. I was just amazed I could squeeze my flabby post-baby body into it at all (though I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight as of a few weeks ago, yippy!). Oh, and the ears...aren't they great! I'm excited to bring them on our cruise for Gavin's first Disney experience!

Coach shoes...for all of us gals! Thanks Dad!

Showing off his new jammies and robe, made specially by MaeMe!

And not photoed here - some tributes to our angel who is spending her first Christmas in heaven. Everyone got her a special ornament for her tree at the cemetery. It makes me proud that our family continues to talk about Grace and include her in our family traditions even though she is not here with us. It makes me feel very honored when others think enough of her to include her...even in very simple ways. It's hard to believe that one year ago, at our Christmas gathering in 2010, we were sharing the great news of our expanding family. Having no idea what lied ahead.

Last year for Christmas, my parents bought Gavin a wagon with two seats. I remember opening it thinking how fun it would be to fill that wagon with our two children that following summer. Instead, we walked around the neighborhood this summer with one seat unoccupied. I dreamed last Christmas of how different the following year's get-together would be. Another little one crowding my parents' living room. At the time, we didn't know the gender of our little one, so my visions were mixed between another boy or our first little girl. Cute little Christmas outfits. Instead, I now try to avoid looking at the cute little girl clothes in the stores (particularly the adorable dresses this time of year) because it brings me to tears - and not in a "safe" place where people know why I'm in tears. Instead, it is in a very vulnerable place where people have no idea. Instead, it is easier to just avoid it all together.

So, we've done other things to honor Grace this holiday season. Santa brought a couple gifts for her to our house. And we donated the gifts that we would have bought for her, had she lived, to the Angel Tree. I wasn't able to buy any baby girl clothing, though, to donate. Maybe I'll be okay with it next year, just not this year. We opted for toys instead. I do hope that the little girls out there enjoying those toys are blessed with Grace's presence. I'm sure that they are enjoying them, so that makes me happy and proud.

Overall, a very nice day spent with the Gavin family celebrating Christmas!

Cookies

THE annual Christmas cookie baking extravaganza...

Eating raw dough- this is definitely my child! No raw eggs in this recipe, so eat on Gavin!

Professional decorator

Disgustingly sugary

Holiday Traditions - Photo Dump

I'm going to let the (many) photos do the talking. This about sums up our early December holiday traditions. Check out the nativity photo a little closer - it's like "Where's Waldo", only "Where's McQueen" (Gavin added an extra character to the scene). Hehe! I have more photos and updates to post - cookie baking and Christmas wrap-up coming soon!

The great tree hunt...

While I've taken many pictures the past seven months, the one below marks the first family photo since Grace was with us. I've had a hard time thinking about taking a family photo since her death, knowing that Grace's day with us would be our only day to snap photos of our family of four. Instead, here we are, a family of three - our numbers go in the opposite direction of most families our age; families who we're surrounded by sharing the joy of their growing numbers. Seems like just about every day we hear of another expansion. I haven't wanted to take a family photo, knowing that it's just not complete any longer. But, I can't avoid it forever. So, here it is...our family of three. Oh, and that's the "chosen" tree, with Gavin looking like he is going to saw off his father's fingers. Kids and saws don't mix well. It reminds me of the Saturday Night Live from years ago with the holiday children's toys "bag of broken glass" skit. Oh boy!

Maeme and BaPa's tree...

Decorating...

Can you find the "extra" character in our nativity scene? Also, Mary and Joseph were rearranged a bit. Who could have done that?

Our first ever gingerbread house. And, no, that is not blood on Gavin's vampire looking face. It's red frosting.

Santa! Gavin did so well. He walked up with confidence, "My name is Gavin." Sat down on his lap. Began to recite his "wish list" for Christmas - listing numerous Thomas the Tank Engine trains he would like. Also, isn't that red sweater cute? My Grandma knitted it for my brother Andy some thirty-five-ish years ago. And now it fits the next generation!

Enjoying Meijer Gardens...the trains were absolutely fascinating!

This was the best we could do for the annual "Momma and Gavin" photo at the Gardens (getting close to dinner time).

More to come soon on the rest of the holiday season. Overall, we enjoyed a very nice Christmas under the circumstances.

Potty Time

Potty training is in full swing in the Clark household. We introduced Gavin to the potty over a year ago, when he was about 18 months old. Since then, he's had fun sitting on the potty (fully clothed), but has had little to no interest in actually using it. A couple months ago, we figured it was time to get more serious. Really, we probably could have gotten more serious about it sooner, but it felt like we were in crisis mode for a good portion of the year - potty training seemed to be a distant need. "Let's just survive" took precedence over much else.

So, our big break through came around Thanksgiving. I had been toying with ideas for potty rewards. We started with M&Ms. And then added a very cool foam Christmas tree with ornament stickers. Every time Gavin's goes "number 2", he gets to add an ornament to the tree (which is decorating our bathroom). He really likes the reward of picking out his favorite sticker and placing it anywhere he wants on the tree. It is full of stickers! We're still working on "number 1", which seems to be more difficult. And we've made the transition from diapers to pull ups. We tried just underwear a few times, but accidents ensued, so we'll stick with pull ups for now.

Up until this week, going to the potty was quite the drawn out process. We started reading Thomas books to Gavin initially when he started using the potty. So, the books became an expectation. Not that we don't like reading books to Gavin - it's one of our favorite things - but a whole long book each and every time he would sit down to use the potty got to be quite the long process. This week, we're working on speeding things up - get in, sit down, do your business, and move on. And save the books for the legitimate longer potty needs (such a boy!).

This seems like such a big milestone. A true transition from baby/toddler to big boy. Bittersweet, as so many things are. I love to see him grow and learn and say hilarious things. But I also miss the phases that he transitions through. Maybe I'm more sentimental than most because we've had a first hand experience that has taught us to appreciate every minute we have with our children. None of those minutes are mundane - they can be gone forever in an instant. So, while I'm happy on one hand to dump the diapers, it still makes me a little sad. Will I ever change another of my child's diapers again? I know I'm certainly not in charge of what the future holds, so I guess we'll "let go and let God".

I am quite proud of Gavin. He may have taken longer than some kids his age to get to this point in his potty habits, but I'm still very proud. We'll keep working at it, expecting the set backs along the way, and soon we'll retire the Huggies!

I have some potty videos of Gavin reading his books (he can recite pretty much the whole book), but I'll spare him the embarrassment of putting them on the blog. They'll be fun to look back on years from now!

Oh Christmas Tree!

I haven't posted a video in quite some time. I shot this today while decorating the Christmas tree. Nothing too special, just a day in the life of a two year old, excited about Christmas!



PS - "James" that is spoken of in the video is James the tank engine from Thomas. He's been asking daily that Santa bring him James (and others from Thomas) for Christmas. I think the big guy is going to come through :)

I also have some good potty videos (clean, of course) and updates to blog soon, just too tired tonight! We've got the cold virus in our house as of this weekend, yuck!

House Hunters

I've been contemplating this post for a bit now. Amid all that this year has brought, it has brought a desire to research new homes. Last year, Brad and I purchased 27 acres of country property in Marne from my dad, family land that my grandparents owned and farmed. My grandma passed away in June of last year, leaving land to her children. Brad and I purchased a portion of the land with the intent of building a home in the uninhabited country-side. We had been planning for it for several years, knowing that our current home was a typical "first home" purchase.

We began talking with builders last fall, ironically just a week or so after learning we were pregnant with Baby Clark #2. Our current home is certainly large enough for two children (three bedrooms, two baths), but it would be cramped a bit with toys and such. And we're really not crazy about the layout, among other things, for the long term. We talked with builders about building in Marne on our acreage, thinking we'd shoot for Spring 2012 to break ground. We put everything on hold when we learned that our pregnancy with Grace was complicated, and ultimately brought us a very sad outcome. Who cares about a house, right? It was the last thing on our minds. And the only place I was going to call home was the hospital (arggg) for that time.

After everything we've experienced this year, we've changed our minds with regard to location of a new home. I can't exactly pinpoint why, but our hearts are pulling us in a different direction. We've been researching options the past few months. For some reason, our hearts keep coming back to a neighborhood setting, one that is in the heart of all things that we love - recreation/parks, downtown, Grandville for shopping, our current proximity to the growing Standale location, and closeness to the school that Gavin will start at next fall. The stars seem to be aligning for this particular location.

So, a change of heart. And one that we're 100% okay with. We went back and forth on pros and cons and in the end the pros of our new idea far outweigh our original country-living thoughts. Not to knock country-living - there is certainly something very serene, peaceful and simple with it. I just think we would miss the neighborhood/suburban appeal that we have now. Gavin would be able to have neighbor friends, we'd be able to travel quickly to the places that we like, and as far as our commitment to fitness, like running and biking, it would be much easier and enjoyable. Running is a big part of our lives, so it's important to consider that in our decision.

We've been exploring options for either an already built home (something new, craftsman style) or building. Not quite decided, though a very nice home that we've been keeping an eye on recently had the price reduced. It's quite possible we may put an offer on it soon.

But yicks! We have a house to sell. And a neighborhood and neighbors who will we will be very sad to leave. We can afford to maintain two mortgages, yes, but it certainly is not ideal given the market. How long will it take to sell our current home? We've enlisted a realtor to help with all of this, so are feeling a bit more comfortable. I also have some hesitancy with the timing. Ideally, spring/summer would have been the time to move/put our house on the market. The winter tends to be a bit slower for real estate. And not the most fun time to physically move all of our belongs.

Double yicks, enter another anxiety factor! We have a lot of "stuff" that will need to be moved. We've never moved, at least in our married years. We started our marriage, our life in our current house, "living on love" for a year. We both had just graduated from college. I was working at a fraction of my earning potential doing an optional year of residency (something that has paid off with hindsight) and Brad was substitute teaching. We had a bed, a futon, a hand-me-down dining room table and chairs, and gifts from our wedding. That was it. Well, over the years, we've accrued much more. Not to mention a child and all of his "things".

Moving will be a lot of work. But people do it every day I suppose. And on the bright side, how fortunate are we to have all of these things to move (so wish I had one more child and her things to move as well, but I don't).

There are good reasons to move. I'm ready for a home with a different layout. We have a bi-level with a very tight entry way. We don't have a private master bathroom or walk in closet, two things on my list of ideals for a dream home. And our living room is overcome with toddler goodies - lots of fun, but wouldn't it be nice to stow them all away in a dedicated play room? I think so!

The neighborhood we're looking at has larger lots than our current home. And fewer homes in the neighborhood, which is appealing from a privacy standpoint (our whole idea with building in the country). And the proximity to all things that we enjoy is wonderful. Wooded lots, another perk, is something we're looking for.

So, I hate to jinx us, given nothing is written in stone (except our daughter's name on a headstone) - but I'm hopeful that our recent desires will soon become reality. We will very much miss our current home. It is the place we have built our life together as a family. We welcomed home our beautiful son to this home...and hoped to do the same with Grace. We made this our own, investing sweat and tears into it, doing much of the work ourselves - finished the basement, the landscaping, built a shed. It has been our first hand work that has made our house a home. I will miss it should we decide to move. And we love our neighbors, so that will be difficult to leave behind. Such very good-hearted, wholesome people. Funny, when we moved into the neighborhood (which is just down the street from Brad's parents), Mark started (and continued) to call our neighborhood "Pleasant Ville", because everyone is always so nice, it is always in good order, and is just a great place to live and raise a family. I will miss our little Pleasant Ville.

Today, the reality of all of this hit me. If we're going to put in an offer on the new home, we need to get our current home ready to sell. Brad does a great job of keeping the house in order, but there are things that need to be touched up. And quite frankly thrown out. I don't want to move with ALL of this. So, we began day 1 of organizing, cleaning, purging, etc. Goodwill/St. Vincent DePaul will be getting several goodies soon!

So, there are no guarantees that things with this new home will work out this year, or even next year for that matter. We'll just have to see. I'm not going to get emotionally attached to a home that may or may not be ours - and we're definitely not willing to over pay for it. I'm perfectly content staying where we are if that is how the cards fall.

And while I'm not 100% sure I'm ready for the "for sale" sign to appear in our front yard, I do know it is inevitable that we will move. Like so many things in life, and this year in particular, it is very bittersweet. I've been praying a lot about our decision. That God will guide us to where He thinks we should be. Regardless of where it is - a box on the street or a beautiful mansion - I know that it doesn't really matter. It's just a house. It's what you make of it that matters. And I'm convinced that we can make any house into a home. I look forward to it!

A Bittersweet Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving marks Grace's six month birthday. A half year, wow. The things she would have been doing. Last night, I was reminiscing on the blog back to Gavin at six months. Gosh, the things he was doing - starting solid foods, rolling from back to tummy and all over, talking jibberish oooo's and ahhhhh's and mamamama's and such. Smiling. Laughing. Living. Breathing. I can't help but think of the milestones and all that we're missing.

This holiday weekend comes, quite frankly, with a bit of dread. A bit of "what ifs". And a bit of really just anger and resentment. I try to not let the later shine through, but at times it gets the best of me. I just really miss Grace and what could have been. The holidays, being together with family, is a piercing reminder of what's missing.

And it will be just down right weird not having Mark around tomorrow. It just won't be the same without him. Watching the big Lions game, the Clark household abound with loud voices...there will be one loud voice that is noticeably missing. Just not the same.

Last year this time, Brad and I had just found out we were pregnant. We hadn't told our families yet, waiting for a big planned announcement at Christmas. And Mark was in the midst of his first rounds of chemotherapy, not really feeling the greatest, yet very optimistic that he would be with us for at least a few more years. That time just went too fast. I wasn't ready to let go in July. If we could have just had a little more time...

What a downer of a year, huh? I want so badly to focus on the good, and I do that probably 60% of the time, but the sadness is very real and very every day.

I do think how fortunate we were to have at least one day with Grace. We weren't even sure we would get that. And that we could all be together for Mark's last days - truly priceless time. So, amid the tragedy, there are good things and certainly things to be thankful for. This year, I'm thankful for my husband who is an incredible partner and father, my son who is so sweet, silly and just plain loveable, and all of my family and friends. Family and friends who let me cry when I need to, and laugh with me when I need a reprieve from the sadness. Thank goodness for laughing. What a dull world without it!

I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving - please remember to be thankful for all that you have, and give your kids an extra squeeze!

Here's our little Native American (not sure that they had Elmo PJ's back then)!

PS - Thanks Brenda for the PJ hand-me-downs. Perfect fit and Gavin loves them :)

Travel and Such

Time to catch up on my blogging. We've had a lot going on lately, it seems. Two weekends ago, Brad and I took somewhat of a last minute trip to Boston for a long weekend. The grandparents watched Gavin for us (he had a fun time!) and Brad and I headed East. We had both been to Boston, separately, in the past. Me for a work conference a few years ago. And Brad, of course, for the Boston Marathon in 2009. Gavin (just 8 weeks old at the time) and I stayed home while Brad, Mark and Shirley ventured to the marathon. So, we were looking forward to exploring the city together, taking in the history and such.

We saw lots in our few days there - Freedom Trail and all the pertinent stops, Quincy Market (for a yummy chowda lunch), some shopping, and a trolley ride around the city. We ended the weekend with the season's first Nor'easter, fortunately not getting stranded (though delayed getting out).

A highlight of the trip was visiting the Sam Adams brewery, one of our favorite brewers. We were able to sample the Boston Lager, Oktoberfest (yum) and Pumpkin Ale (double yum). Here we are a local pub enjoying one...

On Friday, we plotted out our own pub crawl to the nation's oldest pubs and breweries. And we ran into this guy from the colonial ages... (actually, it was Halloween weekend, so many were in costume).

In other way EXCITING travel news, we booked a Disney Cruise vacation for this coming January! The Disney Dream (pictured below) will be our home for five glorious days! We're very excited for this warm-up opportunity and a chance for Gavin to meet all of his favorite Disney friends. Shirley, Brad's mom, is coming with us as well, which makes it even more exciting! We all could use a nice family vacation, but at the same time our hearts are heavy knowing that our two angels will not be with us.

I've been reading up about the cruise - it is going to be incredible. Disney is well-known for creating wonderful experiences, so I can't wait for us to be pampered and served beyond our wildest dreams. Disney Dream is a new cruise ship, introduced earlier this year. I'm sure the "newness" of the ship will make it even more special.

As is typical these days, all of the excitement of things to come is damped a bit by bittersweet feelings. Of course, there should really be no cruise. And no trip to Boston. But it is our reality. My mind can't help but continue to be filled with the "what ifs". I think its even more difficult, knowing that this time last year, we had just found out we were pregnant with Grace, not knowing any of what was to come. In fact, it was one year ago today that I stared down at this...


I'm sure this is just the beginning of thinking back a year to what I was doing, how I was feeling, etc. I was feeling really good. I did during both of my pregnancies. I've always really liked being pregnant. Just not the outcome with Grace.

Alright, pulling it back together - I'm going to log off and go enjoy the rest of this beautiful fall day. We've taken lovely bike rides the past two weekends at Millenium Park. We're really blessed with gorgeous fall weather this year. I like it!

To Halloween and Beyond!

Happy Halloween! Gavin had a FABULOUS time with Halloween this year. Trick-or-treating went great. He had the hang of the process by house two. "Gotta get more treats" "Gotta fill up my bucket" "Gotta go to the next house"...with a few "thank you's" and "Happy Halloween's!!" mixed in. It was a joy watching him have so much fun.

One of my favorite things of the night was his comment when he saw a couple kids dressed as witches. "Hahahaha....it's a little gnome, it's a little gnome" with fingers pointing. We watched Gnomeo and Juliet a month ago or so. So, he thinks that the witch hats look like gnome hats. And he said it with such enthusiasm! Many times throughout the night.

We thought we'd just hit a few close neighbors for trick-or-treating. But Gavin was having so much fun (and the weather was so cooperative), that he must have walked to half of the house in our neighborhood. Such a blast! And he enjoyed his sweet treats (not too many of them) when he got home and compared goods with his cousins.

Here are some photos...

The obligatory pumpkin photo, complete with cheesy smile (but no camera eye contact).

Buzz in action walking from house to house filling his bucket with treats. I do think he's the cutest Buzz ever! Love those wings...but he had no spacial concept, running his wings into other trick-or-treaters, cars parked in driveways, bushes/tress, office equipment when he came to visit me at lunch today, etc.

Fill this thing up!

The tired crew at the end of the evening...Luke with a Spartan Jason mask (not in costume here), Gavin "Buzz" Lightyear, Ava the Spartan cheerleader, and Lexi the bride (with an orange shirt for some extra Halloween flare)...And I like to think that Grace is there with them dressed as a butterfly...fluttering over them. Cute little Clark/Brown family!

I did find myself teary-eyed at times this evening, particularly watching all the little girls running around, some dressed as butterflies and such. Thinking of how we won't get to do this with Grace. And then a little girl dressed as an angel came to our house when I was handing out candy and Brad, Shirley and Gavin were off trick-or-treating. I told her I liked her wings, and she replied by saying she was a beautiful angel. I couldn't help but think how blessed her family was to have her as a living angel. Fortunately, it was dark, so she couldn't see my emotional face.

I had my moments of emotion, but mainly just a lovely Halloween with my family, soaking in all of the joys of Gavin's first real year of "getting it". It was fun! Oh, and I dressed up this year for work. Priority Health is celebrating 25 years. So, in honor of 1986, the year we started, we were challenged to wear 80's attire today. It was a blast getting decked out in fluorescent, tacky clothing, big hair, outrageous make-up, and so on. I even sported my circa 1980's Walkman, a true archive from the past, complete with an Amy Grant cassette! I'll spare you the photos!

Happy Halloween everyone!

Pumpkins

What a beautiful weekend! We took advantage of the gorgeous fall weather and journeyed to pick out pumpkins. And then carved them. This year, Gavin was more fascinated with the farm equipment than the pumpkins. Here he is on Uncle Jeff's tractor.

And the apple samples were a great morning snack. Nothing like stopping for a bite among the pumpkins. I love Gavin's scrunchy face as he devours the apple!

Our family of pumpkins...including the perfect little angel pumpkin!

Carving, and enjoying the feel of pumpkin guts between our fingers. Something about that is so disgusting but cool at the same time.

Our pumpkin siblings...Gavin's on the left and Grace's on the right. Gavin requested that his pumpkin have "eight teeth" this year. We settled on two. And I thought Grace's pumpkin was fitting with no teeth, given if she were living, we'd still be in that gummy, no teeth, big giggly smile phase with her. So, it seemed appropriate.

We made a special delivery for Grace at dusk tonight. And now we'll see how long those battery-operated votive candles last. It looked pretty cool flickering away! And makes me feel happy to still be able to include her in our holiday traditions. I've always thought Halloween is such a special and fun holiday for children.

Apple Pie

This kid loves to cook and bake!