House Hunters

I've been contemplating this post for a bit now. Amid all that this year has brought, it has brought a desire to research new homes. Last year, Brad and I purchased 27 acres of country property in Marne from my dad, family land that my grandparents owned and farmed. My grandma passed away in June of last year, leaving land to her children. Brad and I purchased a portion of the land with the intent of building a home in the uninhabited country-side. We had been planning for it for several years, knowing that our current home was a typical "first home" purchase.

We began talking with builders last fall, ironically just a week or so after learning we were pregnant with Baby Clark #2. Our current home is certainly large enough for two children (three bedrooms, two baths), but it would be cramped a bit with toys and such. And we're really not crazy about the layout, among other things, for the long term. We talked with builders about building in Marne on our acreage, thinking we'd shoot for Spring 2012 to break ground. We put everything on hold when we learned that our pregnancy with Grace was complicated, and ultimately brought us a very sad outcome. Who cares about a house, right? It was the last thing on our minds. And the only place I was going to call home was the hospital (arggg) for that time.

After everything we've experienced this year, we've changed our minds with regard to location of a new home. I can't exactly pinpoint why, but our hearts are pulling us in a different direction. We've been researching options the past few months. For some reason, our hearts keep coming back to a neighborhood setting, one that is in the heart of all things that we love - recreation/parks, downtown, Grandville for shopping, our current proximity to the growing Standale location, and closeness to the school that Gavin will start at next fall. The stars seem to be aligning for this particular location.

So, a change of heart. And one that we're 100% okay with. We went back and forth on pros and cons and in the end the pros of our new idea far outweigh our original country-living thoughts. Not to knock country-living - there is certainly something very serene, peaceful and simple with it. I just think we would miss the neighborhood/suburban appeal that we have now. Gavin would be able to have neighbor friends, we'd be able to travel quickly to the places that we like, and as far as our commitment to fitness, like running and biking, it would be much easier and enjoyable. Running is a big part of our lives, so it's important to consider that in our decision.

We've been exploring options for either an already built home (something new, craftsman style) or building. Not quite decided, though a very nice home that we've been keeping an eye on recently had the price reduced. It's quite possible we may put an offer on it soon.

But yicks! We have a house to sell. And a neighborhood and neighbors who will we will be very sad to leave. We can afford to maintain two mortgages, yes, but it certainly is not ideal given the market. How long will it take to sell our current home? We've enlisted a realtor to help with all of this, so are feeling a bit more comfortable. I also have some hesitancy with the timing. Ideally, spring/summer would have been the time to move/put our house on the market. The winter tends to be a bit slower for real estate. And not the most fun time to physically move all of our belongs.

Double yicks, enter another anxiety factor! We have a lot of "stuff" that will need to be moved. We've never moved, at least in our married years. We started our marriage, our life in our current house, "living on love" for a year. We both had just graduated from college. I was working at a fraction of my earning potential doing an optional year of residency (something that has paid off with hindsight) and Brad was substitute teaching. We had a bed, a futon, a hand-me-down dining room table and chairs, and gifts from our wedding. That was it. Well, over the years, we've accrued much more. Not to mention a child and all of his "things".

Moving will be a lot of work. But people do it every day I suppose. And on the bright side, how fortunate are we to have all of these things to move (so wish I had one more child and her things to move as well, but I don't).

There are good reasons to move. I'm ready for a home with a different layout. We have a bi-level with a very tight entry way. We don't have a private master bathroom or walk in closet, two things on my list of ideals for a dream home. And our living room is overcome with toddler goodies - lots of fun, but wouldn't it be nice to stow them all away in a dedicated play room? I think so!

The neighborhood we're looking at has larger lots than our current home. And fewer homes in the neighborhood, which is appealing from a privacy standpoint (our whole idea with building in the country). And the proximity to all things that we enjoy is wonderful. Wooded lots, another perk, is something we're looking for.

So, I hate to jinx us, given nothing is written in stone (except our daughter's name on a headstone) - but I'm hopeful that our recent desires will soon become reality. We will very much miss our current home. It is the place we have built our life together as a family. We welcomed home our beautiful son to this home...and hoped to do the same with Grace. We made this our own, investing sweat and tears into it, doing much of the work ourselves - finished the basement, the landscaping, built a shed. It has been our first hand work that has made our house a home. I will miss it should we decide to move. And we love our neighbors, so that will be difficult to leave behind. Such very good-hearted, wholesome people. Funny, when we moved into the neighborhood (which is just down the street from Brad's parents), Mark started (and continued) to call our neighborhood "Pleasant Ville", because everyone is always so nice, it is always in good order, and is just a great place to live and raise a family. I will miss our little Pleasant Ville.

Today, the reality of all of this hit me. If we're going to put in an offer on the new home, we need to get our current home ready to sell. Brad does a great job of keeping the house in order, but there are things that need to be touched up. And quite frankly thrown out. I don't want to move with ALL of this. So, we began day 1 of organizing, cleaning, purging, etc. Goodwill/St. Vincent DePaul will be getting several goodies soon!

So, there are no guarantees that things with this new home will work out this year, or even next year for that matter. We'll just have to see. I'm not going to get emotionally attached to a home that may or may not be ours - and we're definitely not willing to over pay for it. I'm perfectly content staying where we are if that is how the cards fall.

And while I'm not 100% sure I'm ready for the "for sale" sign to appear in our front yard, I do know it is inevitable that we will move. Like so many things in life, and this year in particular, it is very bittersweet. I've been praying a lot about our decision. That God will guide us to where He thinks we should be. Regardless of where it is - a box on the street or a beautiful mansion - I know that it doesn't really matter. It's just a house. It's what you make of it that matters. And I'm convinced that we can make any house into a home. I look forward to it!

A Bittersweet Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving marks Grace's six month birthday. A half year, wow. The things she would have been doing. Last night, I was reminiscing on the blog back to Gavin at six months. Gosh, the things he was doing - starting solid foods, rolling from back to tummy and all over, talking jibberish oooo's and ahhhhh's and mamamama's and such. Smiling. Laughing. Living. Breathing. I can't help but think of the milestones and all that we're missing.

This holiday weekend comes, quite frankly, with a bit of dread. A bit of "what ifs". And a bit of really just anger and resentment. I try to not let the later shine through, but at times it gets the best of me. I just really miss Grace and what could have been. The holidays, being together with family, is a piercing reminder of what's missing.

And it will be just down right weird not having Mark around tomorrow. It just won't be the same without him. Watching the big Lions game, the Clark household abound with loud voices...there will be one loud voice that is noticeably missing. Just not the same.

Last year this time, Brad and I had just found out we were pregnant. We hadn't told our families yet, waiting for a big planned announcement at Christmas. And Mark was in the midst of his first rounds of chemotherapy, not really feeling the greatest, yet very optimistic that he would be with us for at least a few more years. That time just went too fast. I wasn't ready to let go in July. If we could have just had a little more time...

What a downer of a year, huh? I want so badly to focus on the good, and I do that probably 60% of the time, but the sadness is very real and very every day.

I do think how fortunate we were to have at least one day with Grace. We weren't even sure we would get that. And that we could all be together for Mark's last days - truly priceless time. So, amid the tragedy, there are good things and certainly things to be thankful for. This year, I'm thankful for my husband who is an incredible partner and father, my son who is so sweet, silly and just plain loveable, and all of my family and friends. Family and friends who let me cry when I need to, and laugh with me when I need a reprieve from the sadness. Thank goodness for laughing. What a dull world without it!

I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving - please remember to be thankful for all that you have, and give your kids an extra squeeze!

Here's our little Native American (not sure that they had Elmo PJ's back then)!

PS - Thanks Brenda for the PJ hand-me-downs. Perfect fit and Gavin loves them :)

Travel and Such

Time to catch up on my blogging. We've had a lot going on lately, it seems. Two weekends ago, Brad and I took somewhat of a last minute trip to Boston for a long weekend. The grandparents watched Gavin for us (he had a fun time!) and Brad and I headed East. We had both been to Boston, separately, in the past. Me for a work conference a few years ago. And Brad, of course, for the Boston Marathon in 2009. Gavin (just 8 weeks old at the time) and I stayed home while Brad, Mark and Shirley ventured to the marathon. So, we were looking forward to exploring the city together, taking in the history and such.

We saw lots in our few days there - Freedom Trail and all the pertinent stops, Quincy Market (for a yummy chowda lunch), some shopping, and a trolley ride around the city. We ended the weekend with the season's first Nor'easter, fortunately not getting stranded (though delayed getting out).

A highlight of the trip was visiting the Sam Adams brewery, one of our favorite brewers. We were able to sample the Boston Lager, Oktoberfest (yum) and Pumpkin Ale (double yum). Here we are a local pub enjoying one...

On Friday, we plotted out our own pub crawl to the nation's oldest pubs and breweries. And we ran into this guy from the colonial ages... (actually, it was Halloween weekend, so many were in costume).

In other way EXCITING travel news, we booked a Disney Cruise vacation for this coming January! The Disney Dream (pictured below) will be our home for five glorious days! We're very excited for this warm-up opportunity and a chance for Gavin to meet all of his favorite Disney friends. Shirley, Brad's mom, is coming with us as well, which makes it even more exciting! We all could use a nice family vacation, but at the same time our hearts are heavy knowing that our two angels will not be with us.

I've been reading up about the cruise - it is going to be incredible. Disney is well-known for creating wonderful experiences, so I can't wait for us to be pampered and served beyond our wildest dreams. Disney Dream is a new cruise ship, introduced earlier this year. I'm sure the "newness" of the ship will make it even more special.

As is typical these days, all of the excitement of things to come is damped a bit by bittersweet feelings. Of course, there should really be no cruise. And no trip to Boston. But it is our reality. My mind can't help but continue to be filled with the "what ifs". I think its even more difficult, knowing that this time last year, we had just found out we were pregnant with Grace, not knowing any of what was to come. In fact, it was one year ago today that I stared down at this...


I'm sure this is just the beginning of thinking back a year to what I was doing, how I was feeling, etc. I was feeling really good. I did during both of my pregnancies. I've always really liked being pregnant. Just not the outcome with Grace.

Alright, pulling it back together - I'm going to log off and go enjoy the rest of this beautiful fall day. We've taken lovely bike rides the past two weekends at Millenium Park. We're really blessed with gorgeous fall weather this year. I like it!