Making Lemonade

It feels like a lot of lemons are being thrown our way lately. They say you should make lemonade, right? Well, I think I'll have a swimming pool full of lemonade in no time.

As many of you know, in addition to the challenges we're facing with our pregnancy, Brad's dad Mark is battling advanced prostate cancer. He was diagnosed about six years ago at the age of 52 - way too young, right? He went through the standard treatments over the coming years...surgery, radiation, hormone therapy. Enter Labor Day weekend last year. The cancer has advanced. Chemo was started in the fall through the end of the year, followed by a few months of second-line hormone therapy. He's not responded well to any of these recent therapies, experiencing advancing disease.

In April, Mark experienced a few set backs - anemia, pneumonia, increasing bone pain, terrible fatigue. He started a second-line chemo drug three weeks ago. Yesterday, he fell getting out of bed and has now joined me as a neighbor in the hospital. He was admitted to Lacks yesterday and is being assessed. His physicians think he may have a spinal cord compression, inhibiting his ability to walk and control his leg function. He's in for an MRI as I type.

As you can imagine, this is so very emotional. We adore Mark, his whole family does. Everyone who meets Mark is an instant friend. I remember meeting him for the first time almost 12 years ago when Brad and I started dating. I was instantly at ease and quickly knew that Brad got his caring, calm, laid back nature from his Dad (and his Mom, of course). And of course, his handy man abilities. Gosh, how lucky am I that both of Brad's parents did such a wonderful job of raising my husband!

Mark is such a vibrant, strong, on-the-go, three-projects-going-at-one-time king of guy. He's not one to sit still. Cancer is making him something that he's not.

This whole situation is extra stressful for us, given I'm confined to a hospital bed at the same time, trying to also manage a medically complex situation. None of this is what we had planned for the summer of 2011. We were hoping to add another little one to our family, a baby who would get to meet and know her wonderful grandfather, knowing that their time together would be limited. We would spend time at the cottage that Mark and Shirley bought last year and spent all winter renovating. Gavin would play with his cousins in the lake and we'd enjoy pontoon rides and bonfires at night. And then the lemons started falling.

I'm trying to see the lemonade in all of this. Trying desperately to find the good. But I'm having a lousy day. Yes, there are so many blessing around us, even in this difficult time. I'm trying to latch on to those things, the very simple things like watching Gavin color in a coloring book, commenting on what he sees in the picture. Or seeing his face light up when he walks into my hospital room. There are glimmers of wonderful things in each and every day. But a very pressing feeling of grimness at the same time.

So, you're reading this thinking "my goodness, could things get any worse?" or you're thinking I'm a nut case who just can't catch a break. I'd give anything to just make it all go away. To put it in a box, shove it in a closet, and forget about it. But I can't. I suppose I just need to keep taking it one day at a time, focus on the little glimmers of goodness...and pray my heart out that God guides us through all of this. He has a plan, right? Yes, I know that He does. It's just difficult to see sometimes.

Okay, I'm already feeling a little better having typed this all up. Blogging is a good emotional release for me. So thanks for listening! Please keep Brad's family in your thoughts and prayers. We all need strength to get through these very trying times.